Could someone like that love someone like you?

We are all worthy of love - but at times we forget

At times we may even believe that some people are "out of our league", as I describe in this translated excerpt  from my book Ursus-dit rättvisan inte når. 

She stopped. Reluctantly. It was hard enough as it was. She wished he wouldn't look at her with his sad eyes. Slowly she turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"If it hadn't been for... could you have loved me? Could someone like you have loved someone like me?"

He stood before her. A big, strong grown man, but in his eyes she saw a small, scared boy. A little boy who didn't know if he was worthy of love. Maybe if she told him the truth, he wouldn't let her go. Maybe he wouldn't let her go back to the life she had. Maybe he would hope for something she never intended to let happen. The door opened behind her. It was her husband. He called out to her. This time he wouldn't stand any contradictions. Still, she went back and put her hand on the other man's arm.

"Love means knowing everything about another person and loving them just as they are. You and I never got that far. So I don't know, I never got to know you fully."

He shrank before her eyes. It hurt her, so she let the words fall out of her mouth, quickly so she could say them before her husband would come to take her back inside:

"But I've never felt so safe with anyone else as with you. While you scare the hell out of me, because I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. No one else has made me so vulnerable. Of course I could have loved someone like you. If only I had the courage."

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you always remember that you are worthy of love.

All you need to know about the release is on > this page <. 

Are you overloaded at work?

How do you feel when you're overloaded and someone asks you to take on another task?

• Do you think you could manage your time better, or 
• do you feel that the workload is unevenly distributed in your team, or that
•  the team as a whole is overloaded?

As I describe in this short (less then 2 min long) video from the webinar Time Management and Workload Management: What's the difference, it is important to figure out what the real root cause for the overload is.

 

 Make sure that you are managing your time well without taking on work that could be managed with better workload management in your team.

So, what’s the difference between the two?

Both time- and workload management are about managing tasks and resources, and both focus on productivity and efficiency, but time management is individual-centred while workload management is team-centred.

For further explanation, watch this short video (also less than 2 minutes long) where I describe the differences and commonalities with the help of a Venn diagram.

 Remember to address your own time management before you address workload management. If a manager has poor time management, it can affect the whole team. So start by improving your personal time management before you address workload issues.

Do you overlook your beauty?

"You know, I have a brother who is just as white as you!"

I was celebrating a colleague's birthday when his uncle came up to me with these - to me - strange words.

What he said, and why, helped me discover something about beauty and how easy it is to overlook our own.

Do you see your own beauty?

Or do you take your looks for granted and decide that beauty is something else?

In this 2-minute video I share how I (finally) learned to like my white skin instead of disliking it.

The video is in Swedish with English subtitles.

I hope you find it helpful.

Dare to love and not be loved

"Over the years I have learned to dare not to be loved by everyone," says Olle Carlsson, a priest used to challenging the status quo.

But daring not to be loved is hard, isn't it?

At the same time, it's impossible to be loved or even liked by everyone.

 

When I help ambitious knowledge workers get more done with less effort and deeper joy, I help them choose what to do and what not to do. Sometimes this means saying no, which can be scary.

Why?

For the reason I just mentioned.

We are often afraid to say no for fear of not being liked.

This is instinctive, as I explain in my webinar How to powerfully say no. But, like many fears, it is unhelpful.

Contrary to what we may believe, being a people pleaser will not make us loved, and it definitely won't make us respected.

It takes courage to risk being disliked.

It also takes courage to love.

 

Going back to Olle Carlsson, he says of his partner Fotini that she is "too young and beautiful for me, but we are inseparable". He goes on to say that she is brave enough to love him despite what people around them think.

Do you dare to say no, even if someone does not like it?

Do you dare to love the person your heart chooses for you?

I hope so.

People pleasing doesn't guarantee popularity

Do you ever say yes, when you want to say no?

If you do, maybe you do it to be kind or to be liked. 

Only - that approach comes at a price and doesn't necessarily work...

I hope you will find this short (just a little more than one minute) video useful.  

Why hold back when you can give it all?

"I see a musician in you, but not a singer."

Manuel Provençal, who helps leaders in one of my leadership programmes to free their voices, was told this when he was a student at the Conservatoire de musique et d'art dramatique du Québec.

The teacher wasn't questioning Manuel's voice, she was referring to the fact that Manuel didn't show his emotions. To touch the hearts of an audience, you need to show a little of your own. Manuel didn't do that. He kept his emotions in check, not feeling them, not showing them.

When he understood that this behaviour was no longer protecting, but limiting him, he decided to overcome his fears. It was time to grow as a person.

When he began to feel and show his emotions, he could be both a musician and a singer. Manuel has since sung in operas such as Mozart's Don Giovanni and Verdi's La Bohème.

This video (created for my latest book release) is a perfect illustration of Manuel as a focused but seemingly "cold" musician vs Manuel as a singer - showing his heart so much that he touches ours.

 

There may be times when it is a good idea to be the focused musician.

Other times it might be great to be the singer, to show your heart.

I hope you dare to do and be both.

Your ethical will: What will your final blessing be?

This series of blog posts is inspired by Steve Leder's book For You When I am Gone.


When I set out to write and share these blog posts, I didn't really know what to expect, but I have enjoyed the reflection and clarity it has given me. I hope you have enjoyed your own journey as you have followed me through these questions.


We have come to the final question. What will your final blessing be?

To answer this, imagine that you can attend your own funeral and whisper a final blessing to your loved ones. What will you say to them?

Here are a few examples from the book:

Be kind to each other, take care of each other, and never forget how important your family is to your life.

Please take care of my wife. I can’t be there for her now - so I beg you to grant her comfort and respect the fullness of your love. Please be blessings to each other, celebrate with each other, stay close to each other.

Find work you enjoy well enough and perform it with integrity. Dance, sing, and swim with abandon - especially in foreign waters. Travel to expand your heart and understanding of others. Listen to live music. Let loose sometimes.

 

As soon as I understood the task - to imagine what I would say to my loved ones if I could speak to them at my funeral - I thought of the beautiful poem I first heard in the TV series After Life: Immortality.


That poem is what I would like to whisper into the ears of my loved ones at my funeral.


You can watch and listen to "Lisa's poem" from After Life here.

Immortality

Do not stand

By my grave, and weep.

I am not there,

I do not sleep—

I am the thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints in snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle, autumn rain.

As you awake with morning’s hush,

I am the swift, up-flinging rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand

By my grave, and cry—

I am not there,

I did not die.

/ Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934

Then I would add:

Whenever you need me, just listen to your heart. I will be there. Always.

What will you whisper to your loved ones as a final blessing?